Walmart Ralph

Author:
Paul Deeds
Updated:
Feb 5, 2020
Original:
Jan 9, 2008

I put this little poem that my sister wrote into a hub in order to test the preformatted formatting option. You have to be careful when using preformatted text with floated capsules (or very long lines) since the text will not wrap.

The events described in this poem may or may not be based on reality.

Walmart Ralph

A man named Ralph Deeds Went shopping for his basic needs Wal-mart was close, taking up a huge piece of ground Ralph was quite pleased by the bargains he found He liked to buy socks there 52 cents for a pair! One day he found the greatest deal His favorite type of knife for a steal But later when he tried a few cuts He sure felt like a putz Because the blade bent back like a flap. Useless! he cried, this knife is crap! He quickly drove back to the store To warn them so they wouldn't sell more But he discovered that the manager was a dumbass He should have realized, alas, That you get what you pay for A good knife should cost more Than one made by chinese kids, what a crime! Exploited workers all over, it heads for the landfill to sit for a long time The cops chased him around the floor While he tried to find toothpaste, desperate for a bargain- one more! But he escaped out the door With a lesson learned from his time in that store.

Comments

Henry Ralph Rawls from Marietta GA on July 07, 2019:

I knew Ralph Deeds, and remember him well.

Wish he was still with us, do tell.

I was his first house guest after he married,

but stayed too long and made them feel harried,

But he got his revenge and sent me on my way

where, during a layover along the way,

I proposed and later married ...

... a lady of mystery

. . .

The rest is history

sarahd on April 09, 2018:

RIP Walmart Ralph

Charito Maranan-Montecillo from Manila, Philippines on September 03, 2015:

Amusing poem, Paul! I sure like the rhyme.

Eiddwen from Wales on March 25, 2014:

A great poem.

Eddy,

Kalmiya from North America on March 14, 2014:

Paul; I can't seem to find any other way to connect to HP staff. I'm a writer here and I'm very disgusted with the Hubs of the Day that I'm seeing. What on earth criteria is used for selecting these? I really don't see any point in continuing with my endeavour with HP if I don't see more sense as to the selection of Hub of the Day.

Nadine May from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa on March 07, 2014:

I now read a poem "you get what you pay for". Bargain hunting does not mean you get value . I'm glad poets can use Hubpages for their creative writings.

danielabram on August 08, 2012:

Long live Walmart Ralph!

danielabram on August 05, 2012:

Very funny poem! Can't wait for more :-)

eric-d-agustin on May 14, 2012:

As the poet advises us to do: If you looking for a bargain, it should cost more (not simply because it is greatest deal).

Julianna from SomeWhere Out There on October 20, 2011:

Poor Ralph, sad the knife did not work! lololo! Enjoyed the poem. Mmmmmm.... waiting for another hub this one is two years old. **Sigh*** she leaves the hub, hoping he will post another.

kimberlyslyrics on October 27, 2010:

Paul, speechless and damn proud! :) Now, are you game for Hub 2 - I'll play too-you call it, No commercial ones

Give me the details, or best mighty mom does [long story]

maybe no winner let mm decide

scared? hmmmm

I sure as heck am ha

Lets go, on your word i email mm in waiting

ps-ya just can't help but love Walmart or Ralph

cheers

waiting.

khmohsin on September 29, 2010:

Preformatted formating is really cool and it gains the readers attention.

Well, thanks for help and sharing.

Regards,

Peg Cole from North Dallas, Texas on September 21, 2010:

WalMart - If it weren't so convenient I'd never return. Oh and of course the low prices are addictive. Great poem from your sister.

N E Wright from Dover, Delaware on September 20, 2010:

Cute!!! LOL.

NaomiR from New York on June 11, 2010:

Hilarious -- I laughed out loud.

pinkboxer from Louisiana on May 22, 2010:

A poem that rhymes? Wow. I always thought rhyming was great fun. I am a fan. Truth spoken through rhyme is a creative way of addressing serious subjects. I may try that myself.

Ben Zoltak from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA on January 29, 2010:

Ha, Walmart Ralph, I been there man, those Chinese kids made me a pretty good knife, is there nothing the Chinese can't do? Thanks for sharing your sisters poem Paul, and for all the hard work here at HubPages. I wonder if you know how many people are counting on you?

MaryBeth Walz from Maine on January 20, 2010:

I love it - the rhyming is used well here!

Cathy Nerujen from Edge of Reality and Known Space on January 06, 2010:

The text format is like using an old fashioned notepad on an old version of windows. No wrapping or anything. I am interested in trying to put different text formatting in future Hubs. I have wondered how I change font and aspects of type. Nice poem too.

Cassandra Mantis from UK and Nerujenia on January 06, 2010:

It's great poetry and it rhymes! Rhyming poetry is a vanishing art form! Nice to see the management doing it! Any jobs available? Heh! I'm kidding! : )

Mary Krenz from Florida's Space Coast on December 27, 2009:

What can I do with the preformatted formatting option?

Matthew Frederick Blowers III from United States on December 07, 2009:

Just goes to show that you may not get a cut above, when you shop at Wal-mart. They wholesale socks, but you usually find holes in the toes a month after the sale. They do have some good products, one has to work through the process of elimination, which reminds me, the restrooms are usually clean. I like the greeter at the door, they always make me feel real young. One item that gets me through movies where they charge you five dollars for a box of dots, is the famous wal-mart candy isle where you can buy five boxes of your favorite movie treats at a dollar a piece. I still buy the seven dollar coke at the theatre which is so big it should come with an I.V and wheels, but I save on candy.

Reading glasses are cheap too, 3 pairs in a box, that look like Buddy Holly rejects, after the plane crash but but they do last quite a while. Plus I do most of my reading at home, so if I look like a sixties throwback only the dogs whine. Thanks for your part in keeping the hubs rolling, it must be a mammoth job, but we all enjoy the trails it takes us on. ~~MFB III

keira7 on November 13, 2009:

I have enjoy the poem very much. Thanks. :)

privateye2500 from Canada, USA, London on October 09, 2009:

....enquiring minds want to know why you have been here for THREE years and written ONE hub. This one.

Why is that?

OH - now I see -

"I help keep HubPages running, among other things."

Funmaza from Lahore , Pakistan on September 22, 2009:

GoodIappriesiate

stepheny from united kingdom on August 04, 2009:

nice poem.... really

RedElf from Canada on July 16, 2009:

Neat poem - I, too would like to see more of your sister's work - Oh and yours too, Paul (just kidding :)) Nice to meet you.

S06FH5N1 on June 10, 2009:

What's your sister's username? I want to become a fan.

Socio-Image on April 02, 2009:

Thanks for the preformatted formatting option. I think your sister is even more a realist than good old Suess.

C. C. Riter on January 25, 2009:

Well, nuff on Wal Mart, let's hear more on and from you

terrowhite on January 06, 2009:

Nice hub ! Thanks for sharing :)

Lgali on December 18, 2008:

Good poem i like it alot

Dr Kulsum Mehmood from Nagpur, India on December 15, 2008:

Hi Pauldeeds, nice poem.

Julianna from SomeWhere Out There on October 27, 2008:

Adorable !!! I don't know how I missed this one.

Moon Daisy from London on October 21, 2008:

How nice to have a poem written about you. Does your sister often write poems about you going shopping? Cool! I'll have to explore the preformatted text option.

Larry Freeman on September 24, 2008:

I look forward to other hubs like this.

Bollybob on August 06, 2008:

Wonderful Poem!

Die'Dre' from The Great Pacific Northwest on June 26, 2008:

Nice formatting tip and nice read. Thanks

Dottie1 from MA, USA on June 19, 2008:

Does your sister have anymore poems for us? Loved it!

Ann Martin on May 25, 2008:

i am in awe that you have published one hub and yet you have a profile of 91! Defionatyley fan worthy. im joining your club!

Frank from Montana on April 17, 2008:

Yea it is hard to find a good knife these days.

topstuff on April 16, 2008:

Nice poem on Ralph or knife made by chinese kids as it says.

commentonthis7 on March 18, 2008:

Good poem i like it alot

WeddingConsultant from DC Metro Area on March 18, 2008:

Hey, Paul, this is a great starter hub. In no time you should be a pro, just keep practicing! haha okay jokes aside, great to see your first hub, albeit "borrowed" and "possibly based on actual events."

bobw from Laurel, DE on February 11, 2008:

He should have gotten his knife from Amazon! LOL

William F Torpey from South Valley Stream, N.Y. on February 03, 2008:

I like the poem. I like the preformatted feature for poems. I like your first hub. I don't like Walmart.

djtphn1 from Riverside County, California on January 22, 2008:

Cute poem, Paul, maybe your sister should join us!!!!

Margaret Hampton from Florida on January 14, 2008:

Preformatted text for poems - LOVE IT! Thanks, Paul.

Poem was right on target with experiences my friends and I have had over the past couple of years with the switch to inferior, Chinese made products. No longer a trusted, quality source. The poem was a very well conceived rendition of the truth!

Tony Sky from London UK on January 10, 2008:

OMG!! What a surprise! The Hub addiction has finally begun for Paul too.... "we hope"..

Nice poem, Now i know Wallmart sells more than just things for walls!

Dave McClure from Worcestershire, UK on January 10, 2008:

Hi Paul -

I was one of the early askers for preformatted text for poems, so I'm delighted to see it's now working. And to see a hub from you too!

ramesh on January 10, 2008:

atlast a hub from paul ..great poem..

MoralsEthics1960 from Florida on January 10, 2008:

Well put keep going

VioletSun from Oregon/ Name: Marie on January 10, 2008:

I am usually the last one to know things, and you definitely have a cheering team for publishing your first hub. LOL! Enjoyed the poem. :)

Ashok Rajagopalan from Chennai on January 09, 2008:

Lot of messages in that poem! Thanks, Paul, for putting it here and congratulations on the first hub.

Enjoyed the comments, especially Ralph's clarification.

Iðunn on January 09, 2008:

click on the ralph tag. I have added my input. :D

Jason Menayan from San Francisco on January 09, 2008:

OH MY GOD....he finally publishes! :-)

Iðunn on January 09, 2008:

now that, ralph, is what makes you worthy of being a poem subject. I love it when you hate wal-mart with me. :D

Ralph Deeds from Birmingham, Michigan on January 09, 2008:

There's barely a shred of truth in this hubl!! WalMart did put my favorite knife company out of business by importing inferior, cheap knockoffs from China. Schrade who had been making good knives in upstate New York for more than a hundred years went bankrupt after Walmart canceled their contract, putting 175 skilled workers out of their jobs.

Prince Maak from Just Above the EARTH and below the SKY on January 09, 2008:

Hi Paul, now ur boat (Walmart Ralph) sailing on the ocean called HUBPAGES.

CONGRATULATIONS.

Iðunn on January 09, 2008:

thank you for fixing the feature for poetry and tell whomever it's a grand poem. I shall have to write one for Mr. Deeds too and tag it ralph. It could be the New Revolution. :)

I actually didn't even ask on my own behalf about the format. I finally broke down and asked at the request of one of my favorite poets whom I feature. :p

What I won't do for myself, I can make myself do for others. I'm sure Tony G will be pleased so I'll extend his thanks in advance.

Misha from DC Area on January 09, 2008:

Wow! Now your hubscore is going to skyrocket :D

Be careful, though, it's addictive ;)

James Nelmondo from Genova, Italy on January 09, 2008:

The first of many I hope.

Paul Deeds (author) from Berkeley on January 09, 2008:

Unfortunately I can't take credit for the poem, but thanks everyone.

Iðunn on January 09, 2008:

Yay! Well done and on both fronts. Ralph Deeds was long overdue to be featued in a poem. :D

Bravo, Paul~

Jimmy the jock from Scotland on January 09, 2008: